The latest census by the U.K Census Bureau confirmed singles in Britain are now covering 35% of the adult population. This number translates to a rise of dating sites targeting a mature audience such as yours truly. I have gathered a list of important issues to ponder upon when you find yourself dating over 50. Remember, you might think being over 50 means you know yourself and what you are looking for. If this is you I am describing, consider these two facts by behavioural scientist Dr. Susan Weinschenk, as part of a publication in the Business Insider:
- People see what they expect to see
- People get used to the frequency of an event.
Just keep this in mind as you read on, I might just get back to you on these ones. Also, they are important as an afterthought to all other questions subject for scrutiny.
Consider why you are single
Why are you dating over 50 exactly? Being single has become more of a modern trend these days than a necessarily meticulous preference. It should be though. You can be single as much as you want, but please, if you are single over 50 then you should at least know why. Was it him? Was it you? Is there a slight possibility that human beings are so complex and so holistic and even dilutional that it could have been both?
Consider reconsidering what you are looking for
Here is a quote I would like you to also consider for this passage:
If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us. - Anon
Now, let me link this together for you. Maybe you might actually find yourself in a post-divorce continuation and have learned absolutely nothing from it! Are you still looking for the same qualities that you tend to clash with in combination? You should really consider what you are looking for and see if you can change some pointers up a bit.
Consider changing your habits
Because it’s true. We are creatures of habits and you know it. I can bet some good money on you having the same drink for breakfast most days and prefer to summarily read the news at a certain time. That’s OK, no one gets hurt there. I have a suggestion though; if your habits include when you shop your groceries or when you go to the gym, when you visit friends or when you are social – switch it around.
Because, here is the magic, other people are creatures of habits too, and there might be people even in your close area you have never met before due to them following a different shop-gym-social calendar than you. Remember my subject 2 for consideration: People get used to the frequency of an event. This means that you are also expecting things to happen in the same way they have before.
Consider your wanted relationship agreement
Here is something to think about: Do you want someone who will spend every day and night with you? What would that mean in your life today? Weekend arrangements or even rarer than that could be something way more appropriate for you. I am not saying it is. I am saying you should consider it. When dating over 50 people tend to come with a very settled sense of self and habits that you might not have the vivacity to live with or even enthusiasm to ignore every day.
Consider how you want to find your date
Dating over 50 offers a lot of possibilities. You can choose to meet people online, on numerous datingsites either specialized for dating over 50 or a general platform for meeting partners. What does it mean to meet people online though? Does it mean you have more options? Are they genuine options? Opt for a dating platform known to have a more mature audience, unless that is not what you are looking for, that is. Then we have the other choices around; the bar, the park, social ads, speed-dating, blind dates, there are so many dating options that it becomes overwhelming to choose HOW, even before the WHO. Here is a thought though; just consider it, don’t drown yourself in the question. There are good people everywhere, and your future partner might just fall in your lap, regardless of what pessimistic people might have told you.
Consider your own flaws
It’s hard to believe that people over 50 are not perfect, yet something tells me we have all experiences telling us that little changes in your brain after you turn 27. You are 27 in your head until you turn 77, then you start getting younger again, I dare claim. It’s kind of our blessing, yet it might mean that we are equally unperfect to what we were at 27. SHIT, that is a tough pill to swallow. However, ignoring the “facts” does not mean they disappear, so sit down and listen to what you know to be your own flaws. You might not have to get rid of them, but know they are there and thereby allow your potential partner to know they exist and that living with you means accepting your flaws. It’s much easier to live with someone’s glitches when they are comfortable with themselves.
Consider your current life situation
What can you offer someone today? Are you in the right place to be looking for a relationship right now? If you are not ready, then you might not get what you are looking for. I learned and believe firmly that you need to love yourself and accept you to be a good partner to others. This goes for every relationship in your life. OH, and would you look at that, Buddha agrees with me:
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” -Buddha
So, consider yourself and your life. You are just as important to figure out how to love as anybody else.
Consider the meaning of their life
They have a very intricate and comprehensive life too. What is the meaning they see in their own lives? It is important to not only consider a person’s life and accomplishments, but also the meaning they find in these facts about their life, that will have a big impact on you later in the relationship. Finding a partner who is at peace with their situation will always give more room for growth in you. Now, I want to bring you back to my first point; People see what they expect to see. Don’t do this in your new partner. See the attributes they have instead of comparing them to your previous relationships. They are not the same person. No matter how much you try and fit them in there.
Consider testing your own limits
You are single and over 50, there is absolutely NO reason why you should keep doing the same things in your love life, your field of interest, your dating plan of action, and so it continues. You have some experience; now forget everything you know and try something new! Read an inspirational book like “Tales of Grateful Aging from the Planet Denial” by Nicole Hollander, or watch something, and start creating new things in your life. If you chose to after closely considering it, that is!
Consider how close you are to 50
This is meant to be a moment of self-reflection. How close you are to 50 means a lot when it comes to knowing your situation and how it affects you. If you are 50 on the dot, then chances are you are either overexcited about dating over 50 and perhaps you just recently reached that status? Or you are extremely pessimistic about it, which you can just wrap up and throw to the stock market straight away. There is no room for pessimism in your life and you know it!
Just see yourself from a very general standpoint here; if you are 60 or over, then chances are you might be more pessimistic about it, which again – where is your manners? No, in all seriousness though, there is a big chance you also have a lot to be thankful for and negativity never really attract the right kind of partner anyway, I would think, I cannot scientifically prove that though.
Consider old flames
A study conducted by researchers from Harvard and Kent state University shows that people don’t see what is right in front of them. So therefore, it might be that you have, as most of us, ignored very compatible people around you. Remember my subject 2 for consideration: People get used to the frequency of an event. This means that you are also expecting things to happen in the same way it has done before. If you look in the same places for the same pattern, I would think it would be splendid logic to expect a different outcome, no? No. So therefore, it might be worth considering breaking your habits of expectation and see if you can start with a solid friendship with someone you already know? I don’t know, think about it!
Consider looking abroad
Dating over 50 is revolutionized. Travel expenses and bungalows don’t cost much these days and there is so many potential partners and happy over 50s living life to the fullest. Don’t limit yourself to one continent, 2017 is a time to be greedy. Hop a plane and see where it lands. There is bound to be single men and women over 50 there. And the most incredible thing about it is that it awards you with culture and lifelong impressions as a side-effect.
Consider staying single
This might seem like strange advice, but consider it. Maybe it’s not such a bad deal after all? I mean, staying single doesn’t mean living by yourself and it doesn’t mean being lonely either. There are many people out there who would thrive in an environment where they can live with old friends and enjoy good company which are commitment free and uncomplicated. Sex often dies off after a while so what is left of a relationship is usually a great connection and company. This can be found in many shapes and forms. Find other people out there who are looking for good company too. There are plenty! Or don’t – but consider it!
Here at Next Love we offer a chance for single over 50 to meet with someone who has either been married earlier, lived in a longer relationship or looking for a lifelong connection. Consider signing up today and start mapping out which kind of connection is right for you right now!
